This week I've been trying to recover from several non-stop months. I put a lot of life things on pause during the last couple months so I could deal with the unexpected life things that occurred during an overabundance of work. As a self-employed person, I am always grateful for paid projects coming my way. I've got to keep the pipeline full so I can continue to feed and house my family. But the pace was exhausting. I was exhausted.
In the wake of the tax deadline, I put all the remaining things on pause and disappeared to an off-grid nature place to soak in hot-springs, take naps, and eat nourishing food cooked by someone else. It was mostly glorious. The springs were hot, the food was delicious, and the naps were bountiful. Unfortunately, the bed situation in my secluded forest sanctuary didn't provide me a full night's sleep. So I wasn't able to make any sizable dent in the months of accumulated sleep-dep, and I came home not any farther out of the red.
I had grand designs of returning from the forest fully rejuvenated and ready to un-pause all the things I've been looking forward to doing and enjoying once the deadline closed. Instead, I'm still catching up on sleep and feeling sad about my Gramma's recent passing. I guess the sadness saw an opening and un-paused itself. I didn't necessarily chose the order things went on pause initially because that was all dictated by circumstance. Now it seems I may also not have total control over the un-pausing.
There's some kind of greater lesson in there somewhere. Maybe it's about being present for my own unfolding. Maybe it's about the interruptability of best-laid plans. Maybe it's about building-in an allowance for the unexpected. Whatever it is, I'm too exhausted to put it into words this week. I guess I'll let that marinate on-pause as well.
My aim is always to be present for however this experience of living and being human takes shape. In whatever way life is going to happen, at least I can notice it while it's happening. I hope you get to participate in the fullness of your own experience too. See you next week.
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Jaydra is a human in-process, working to make the world a better place. Sharing thoughts, feelings, and observations about the human experience.